Collaboration

I consider myself to be a writer. Incidentally, I have exactly two friends that would place themselves in the same category, and neither of them are the two people that I send my writing to for editing and ideas.

I suppose that I should not have been surprised when one of my fellow writers decided that they wanted to work on a book together. It's not like she hasn't talked about it before now - I suddenly just can't decide if this is actually a good idea. I am so used to being the sole voice in the story. I am the generator - judge and jury of all plot decisions. Where does one draw the line for letting my voice be heard?

This may or may not have been a great decision. 

No Writing

I have been failing as of late. I have not written in anything at all for the last.. almost two weeks now. I got a job - a pretty good job - and find that it's strange getting used to that huge chunk of my day being called for and not really available for writing. 

My current list of terrible excuses that run just short of "the dog ate my homework":

1) New job to get used to

2) training for the LA Marathon next year

3) Training for a half marathon this year

4) I'm just plain tired these days!

All of these are terrible, and not good enough for me to not be writing. I'm more than a lot disappointed in myself too, because i had found two great contests to submit to, and I now have nothing that I can really hand in to them. They were based out of the UK, and while in this era of globalization and the internet that should not be that cool ... it is SUPER cool to me, and I failed at it.

Now it is time to buckle down and do what I need to do. I am a writer... 

I MUST WRITE!

Writing and Moving

I move... A LOT. to do that and continue to write every single day is a bit of a challenge. Admittedly, I did miss one day of writing. I missed it because I had just finished a 16 hour drive and unpacking all of my stuff into a garage. Though thinking about it now, I wonder what might have come out of me at that point.

Getting back into an effortless routine has been tough. I have my attention more on settling into my new/old life here and getting a job for at least the summer. But that is part of the deal. To be successful at this I have to continue to do it even when I have so many other things that I could be doing at the time.

Plus I LOVE IT!!! 

Revising the Revisions

So, my term at school is ending, and with that brings the end of my writing class. It has been an interesting little class. It was all online, so a bit less hands-on than I would have wished it to be, effective all the same. I have been focusing on revising my final story excerpt, and I find myself a little nostalgic. Some of the things that I have been cutting out are things that I worked very hard on.

Even knowing that it would be most logical to just keep what I cut in a separate document, I still find myself feeling like I am cutting off an arm or something. Which as someone who is trying to become a serious writer, to be able to support myself solely on writing, I think that that is a feeling I can not actually afford. It is like picking a favorite child that I was only vaguely aware of in the first place.

I am in complete control!!!

I am currently taking a creative writing course in Portland, Oregon. It keeps me pretty busy I suppose. Today though, was the day that I was finally supposed to submit my own work for the class to go through and critique. I chose to put up a piece of writing that I actually have been working on for years now. A story that my two closest friends and I have been passing back and forth between us. The project was supposed to take a total of like 12 weeks and has stretched into like three years.

When I was going through the excerpt one last time before submitting it for their review I decided to change some things. One problem with co-writing something is that I continually feel like I need to stay true to their visions as well as my own. But I made an important decision as I changed names and more than a few sequences of events - it is one thing to push around a story between ourselves and not pay attention to things that really bug me, but when I am putting my name on something and putting it out into the public I am in complete control. It is my own vision that needs to be met. My world that I created and have a unique view of. Quite frankly, my friends wouldn't care about the changes that I made - probably because neither of them are trying to actually get published.

Thinking about it though, I find that I am frequently trying to go along with what I think others are going to be expecting or envisioning about a story that I am writing. And that is a disservice to my readers. My worlds, or circumstances, or ridiculous logic will never make sense if half the time it is not my own. Not to rag on any good, solid research, but when writing fiction that research needs to bend to my will and not the other way around.

I am in control.

The Test

Recently, I have stumbled upon a story that I really like. Stumbled may be inaccurate, because it has been in the back of my mind for a long time now. It centers around a woman who is living a simple life and then finds herself plunged into a dark world of murder and lies. the thing about her though is that she is not missed. She has people in her life, just not any in the same city as her, and there is a little 'out of sight, out of mind' going on. She realizes this at one point and then has to then save herself.

In the process of my writing this story though, I got a little curious. How long would it take for the people that I love the most to realize that I was gone, that something was wrong? My test was a little more simple... I asked myself how long would it take for a  blood relative or one of my best friends to actually call me? While waiting for someone to call I am not texting anyone back, chatting online, or doing anything other than looking at my news feed on Facebook.

This test is still going on.

It just shows how much one's writing can influence my real life. I infuse myself into these worlds I create, and it's getting harder to take myself out of them.

The Family Predicament

     I suppose that I should just be very thankful that I not only have a family, but that I like them, and that they like me enough to invite me to stay with them to see special events in their lives. And I am… I swear. The thing about it is that I have not written a word since I got here a few days ago. Utah and family and not really having anything that I HAVE to do everyday has become a horrible combination. I didn't want to bring my computer on such a short trip, I figured that I could use one of my sibling's computer if I really needed to (like right now, I have commandeered my sister-in-law's computer).
   
     Alas, I have not even really thought about writing since I arrived in Utah. I did bring with me a story journal to help me stay on track, but that track has turned into a huge and empty void in my mind. Which brings me to believe that maybe I am so very susceptible to a complete distraction from my writing. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing - a sign of my sanity or lack of true commitment and desire to move forward.

     I go home to Portland in the morning, or the next morning… I fly standby on a friend's flight benefits. Hopefully, I will be able to et back into my groove that I had going when I left. Maybe even make a new one that works even better.