I am in complete control!!!

I am currently taking a creative writing course in Portland, Oregon. It keeps me pretty busy I suppose. Today though, was the day that I was finally supposed to submit my own work for the class to go through and critique. I chose to put up a piece of writing that I actually have been working on for years now. A story that my two closest friends and I have been passing back and forth between us. The project was supposed to take a total of like 12 weeks and has stretched into like three years.

When I was going through the excerpt one last time before submitting it for their review I decided to change some things. One problem with co-writing something is that I continually feel like I need to stay true to their visions as well as my own. But I made an important decision as I changed names and more than a few sequences of events - it is one thing to push around a story between ourselves and not pay attention to things that really bug me, but when I am putting my name on something and putting it out into the public I am in complete control. It is my own vision that needs to be met. My world that I created and have a unique view of. Quite frankly, my friends wouldn't care about the changes that I made - probably because neither of them are trying to actually get published.

Thinking about it though, I find that I am frequently trying to go along with what I think others are going to be expecting or envisioning about a story that I am writing. And that is a disservice to my readers. My worlds, or circumstances, or ridiculous logic will never make sense if half the time it is not my own. Not to rag on any good, solid research, but when writing fiction that research needs to bend to my will and not the other way around.

I am in control.

The Test

Recently, I have stumbled upon a story that I really like. Stumbled may be inaccurate, because it has been in the back of my mind for a long time now. It centers around a woman who is living a simple life and then finds herself plunged into a dark world of murder and lies. the thing about her though is that she is not missed. She has people in her life, just not any in the same city as her, and there is a little 'out of sight, out of mind' going on. She realizes this at one point and then has to then save herself.

In the process of my writing this story though, I got a little curious. How long would it take for the people that I love the most to realize that I was gone, that something was wrong? My test was a little more simple... I asked myself how long would it take for a  blood relative or one of my best friends to actually call me? While waiting for someone to call I am not texting anyone back, chatting online, or doing anything other than looking at my news feed on Facebook.

This test is still going on.

It just shows how much one's writing can influence my real life. I infuse myself into these worlds I create, and it's getting harder to take myself out of them.

The Family Predicament

     I suppose that I should just be very thankful that I not only have a family, but that I like them, and that they like me enough to invite me to stay with them to see special events in their lives. And I am… I swear. The thing about it is that I have not written a word since I got here a few days ago. Utah and family and not really having anything that I HAVE to do everyday has become a horrible combination. I didn't want to bring my computer on such a short trip, I figured that I could use one of my sibling's computer if I really needed to (like right now, I have commandeered my sister-in-law's computer).
   
     Alas, I have not even really thought about writing since I arrived in Utah. I did bring with me a story journal to help me stay on track, but that track has turned into a huge and empty void in my mind. Which brings me to believe that maybe I am so very susceptible to a complete distraction from my writing. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing - a sign of my sanity or lack of true commitment and desire to move forward.

     I go home to Portland in the morning, or the next morning… I fly standby on a friend's flight benefits. Hopefully, I will be able to et back into my groove that I had going when I left. Maybe even make a new one that works even better.